Screw You Father Time

Why do Americans associate age with such a negative connotation?

Eastern cultures think of aging as something to be revered and respected. With age comes wisdom and clout. Here in America especially, California people think of age as something to be stopped. Women go to great lengths to hide their age through plastic surgery and the art of lying. A woman never reveals her true age especially if she is over 30. This month I turned the ripe age of 33 and I refuse to hide it or feel ashamed. I look damn good and feel better than ever. I think my 30’s so far have been fabulous much better than my 20’s. I am finally comfortable with who I am, the way I look, and what I want to be. I am confident that this year is going to be great. I know what I want to accomplish and will be successful. So, to all the people out there who think 30 is the end, I just want to kindly flip you the bird. Bring on 33. I can’t wait to prove just how amazing this year is going to be.

Have No Doubt

I learned a vital lesson in the last few months - when Doubt rears its ugly head, hit it with a Mack Truck. A few months ago when I finally got my MFA, I was channeling James Cagney and felt like I "Made it, Ma! Top of the world!" All that hard work and borrowed money felt justified. I was so proud of what I learned and the connections I made. That pride and confidence faded fast when faced with the real world. Graduating with idealistic views in a time of economic turmoil is harsh. I knew things would not be easy but I am usually energized by challenge. Recently I have started to feel beat down by the job hunt. The amount of time I spend searching for a job feels like a full-time position. The plethora of resumes and cover letters that I have sent into the Internet black hole is almost unfathomable. The feeling you get after sending out over 25 resumes a week with no response, or fake responses, is Doubt.

Am I smart enough? Do I know the right people? Will I ever be able to pay off my student loans? How can I repay my parents for all the extra help they have given me? Will my brain turn into mush if I don’t use it? Who is really in my corner?

When these inevitable questions enter your mind like a long lost friend, SHUT THEM DOWN. Things are hard right now but they have been hard before. You are smart. There are just a lot of other smart people out there looking for a break too. I have decided to embrace the challenge not just by alcohol and denial, but also by creating something from my struggle. I am starting a blog focused solely on my struggles to find a job in this economy. I will be featuring my own thrilling story as well as stories of others battling the same demons. Please let me know if you are willing to share.

Ladies Just say NO to the Age of Anxiety

I have tackled this topic before in my blog (see my June posting).

Why are we different?

After having a lunch yesterday with one of my best friends (Rin, who coined the term “Age of Anxiety”) I feel it needs revisiting.

Society makes women feel like they MUST have a man and be married, or close to it, by the ripe age of 30.

We must want children. If not - there is something wrong with us.

If you live your life manless, you are somehow in complete.

None of these societal shackles exist for men. For men, being a bachelor is cool, exciting, and even a little exotic. They are considered free and by most women a “good catch.”

I am not some kind of feminazi - just a person with common sense.

Why can’t certain women be alone?

I feel confident in the fact that I may meet someone and fall madly in love. I also accept the fact that I might not. My happiness does not, and should not, depend on if I am part of a couple.

Why are women seen as broken if they are not attached?

I have known so many women who have fallen into this trap. “I am 30 and I can’t be alone. I want children. Let me date a 'nice' guy who has some money who would be a good father. I like the person just fine, so I might as well.”

I refuse to settle. I know there are many different kinds of love and passion fades, but it must be there in the beginning. I might be choosing a life as a crazy cat lady but at least I am choosing a happy fulfilled life on my own terms.

RIP Mighty Whitey my 88 Corolla

This Eulogy is over, considering Mighty died October 17th.

Mighty Whitey, 21, beloved car and friend (Sadly no picture was found).

In Larkspur, CA, on October 17, 2009, Mighty Whitey, a.k.a Captain Many Trips, died in the parking lot of Bed Bath & Beyond. Although most cars are referred to with feminine pronouns, Mighty was definitely a male car. This happened mostly because his second owner, Rachel named him after Jerry Garcia. Her parents purchased the car right before her 16^th birthday from the Penny Saver. Before even getting her license, Rachel began placing multiple stickers on Captain’s rear.

There was never really an accurate count but in the end, although some faded, Mighty had an estimated 25 stickers or so. He was a great first car, full of pep and low mileage. Rachel remembers fondly the first time she took him on the highway. She drove her best friend Cathy home over the Tappanzee Bridge, windows open, blasting The Who, and fearing the two trucks in the surrounding lanes. There were countless memories and friends in NY for Mighty.

When Rachel outgrew the East Coast and traveled to California, Mighty came with her. He didn’t drive cross-country but was shipped out to San Francisco. Once he arrived there, he was driven to his new home in sunny Santa Barbara. He loved the warm weather and some of his rust from the years of snow subsided. He made many trips to Los Angeles, San Diego, and San Francisco. He received his new name from Rachel’s college roommate for multiple reasons.

When Rachel moved to the Bay Area, he was still her number one car for a few years. Then, into his Golden Years, parts started breaking. His visor got stuck, gearshifts malfunctioned, and he had other problems. He was replaced by the Batmobile and reduced to a 2^nd car that took her Mom to drive to the bus. Although his role in the family became limited, he was loved. The family mourns his loss but knows that after 16 years of use, he owes them nothing. RIP Mighty Whitey, you will be missed.

Rachel’s Bizzaro Summer Concert series Part 4 & 5

I realize that these summer concert reviews are a little late and out of order. Life has been so complicated lately that I haven't had the time to write. This is probably why I feel so unbalanced. Writing is my favorite form of therapy - that, and drinking wine. Back to business.

Concert # 4 Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson @ Harvey's Outdoor Arena

This show was an interesting one. I have seen Dylan before and it's always a crapshoot. I have seen him shine and I have seen him bomb. This particular night he sounded like a duck. The music he played was mostly new stuff that I had no clue about. The instrumental part was great. His voice was full of slurs and VERY hard to understand. For the encore, he did Like a Rolling Stone. And even though I know every word to this song, it was completely muddled. Everyone was complaining. On the other hand Willie (who I am not a huge fan of) sounded crystal clear. I was impressed with his entire set. Luckily, these tickets were free and I had a great time anyway. I heard from a friend that 2 weeks later they saw him in Berkeley and he was amazing. I am not surprised.

Concert # 5 The Killers @ Shoreline

This will be final review and the last show I saw this Summer/Fall. This was my fourth time seeing The Killers live, and this review is totally biased. They are one of my favorite bands. I have seen them on every stage. The first show I saw was at the Joint in Vegas during the Hot Fuss Tour. That was an amazing show but Brandon Flowers hadn't really become a performer yet. He was shy and awkward. The next time I saw them was for the Sam's Town tour @ the Bill Graham. That show was decent, but the acoustics of the place made all the distorted songs hard to hear. The third time was at San Jose State. That was a great show. Sweaty, raw, fun, and loud. A true general admission tour.

This fourth time was an entirely different experience. We had VIP tickets. It felt like the time I flew first class cross-country and you had great food, drink, and fresh baked cookies. Then, when you fly coach you can smell those cookies but know they are not for you, it sucks. We had VIP parking, so we didn't have to park in the dirt ditch where all the bodies are buried. Then we had passes to the VIP terrace. That is where the free food and drinks were. They had a Vegas style buffet with an amazing spread and free beer and wine. Our seats were 8 rows back. The sound and energy was first rate. My moment of glory came in the middle of the show during the song Bling. Brandon Flowers, the hottest Mormon ever, came into the crowd to be "touched". The sweet Australian guy sitting next to me picked me up and pushed me to the front of the row. Low and behold, Mr. Flowers stopped right in front of me and climbed up on the chair to sing. I touched his leg for about 5 minutes. It was probably the best five minutes I've had in a long time. All in all the 4th time was the best for me. I don't think I will be able to see in them again. Once you have flown first class it's hard to go back to coach.

Rachel’s Bizzaro Summer Concert series Part 3

Show # 3 Poison and Def Leppard @ Shoreline

Some of you may wonder how come I am not embarrassed to list this one but I will never hide from my Glam Rock past. In the mid 80’s when many of my friends were listening to New Kids on the Block, Debbie Gibson, and Tiffany, I was cranking up Poison, Motley Crew, Bon Jovi, Guns & Roses, Skid Row, Warrant, Cinderella and Def Leppard. Most people who know me well are aware that my first real concert was the Bon Jovi Slippery When Wet Tour. I was 9. My mom took my brother and I and I distinctly remember her getting into a fight with some teenage terra in the ladies bathroom and being called an old hag.

Anyway the last time I saw Poison and Def Leppard I was in 8^th grade. So this present day experience was extremely different. I got drunk on cheap beer and had a kick ass time. I was surrounded by an odd crowd part old rockers, part late 20’s early 30’s, and many trailer park whiskey tango people dressed in beaters. The show itself was fun. Poison only played for an hour, which surprised me. They played all the old favorites: Talk Dirty to Me, Fallen Angel, Unskinny Bop (what a ridiculous song) and Every Rose. Big John came on stage to film stuff for the troops. Bret Michaels seems to be fixated on 2 things slutty women and the armed forces. Go figure. We missed Cheap Trick because parking was crazy.

Def Leppard rocked hard. They still sound great and put on a good visual show. Joe Elliot had laryngitis but still belted out the lyrics with presence. I still think Rock of Ages is one of the best rock songs from this genre. A good time was had by all and I was glad not to be driving home.

Rachel’s Bizzaro Summer Concert series Part 2

Show # 2 Counting Crows @ The Greek Theatre

Yes I am obsessed with the 90’s. I have seen the Counting Crows several times but this show was different for a few reasons. I have never seen them at the Greek before and I was really close. This show was great the sound, the crowd, and the free booze (thank you Visa Signature Card). We also had a front row seat to see a drunken White Trash fan (who was sitting in front of us) walk on stage and be carried out by security. Before the show started the drunk tatted wife beater owner said he was going to get back stage. We didn’t believe him but he did better he just walked on stage and put his arm around Adam for about 2 seconds before he was carried out and banned from the Greek. Now that’s entertainment.

Rachel’s Bizzaro Summer Concert series

Even though this summer I may have been poor and pining for a job, I got to see a few shows and each of them rocked in a totally eclectic type of way.

Show # 1 No Doubt @ the Sleep train Pavilion

Flash back to 1995 just finished high school, completely boy crazy, and I liked to use Manic Panic. I think maroon was my color of choice at that time. The one CD that played so much in my budget CD player that it began to skip was Tragic Kingdom. I remember dancing around my room in my micro mini tank top singing badly at the top of my lungs, “I’m Just a Girl.” I never went to see No Doubt back then so getting the chance to see them now was a high school dream come true. The show was incredible. The live energy was contagious and the crowd was well rounded. There were a few Tweens who came for Paramore because they had that song in Twilight. Overall I had a great time with good friends and didn’t feel too old in fact I felt like I was in HS again.

Gotta Love those Tahoe Boys

As promised a separate post on the ratio of men to women in South Lake Tahoe. I am speaking strictly of locals and not visiting tourists. South Lake is like Alaska in this category. The ratio of men to women is probably about 8:1. I am not positive and would love to do the research to back this up. Not only are there more men but also they seem to be very nice to look at. Most of them are avid bikers, hikers, climbers, skiers, and snowboarders. So that makes them in pretty good shape. They also seem to be friendly, witty, and smart. It seems every night in South Lake is ladies night. I am definitely no Megan Fox but my time in South Lake made me feel that hot. Everywhere I went men approached, flirted, and complimented. I got invited to parties, told how attractive I was at every turn. I was beginning to think that it was all some sorted joke and any minute Ashton Kutcher was going to pop out of some van telling me I’ve been punkd. The icing on the cake took place when I went out for sushi with my parents and some guy actually came up to our table and told my dad just how hot his daughter was. Sake almost came out of his nose. He thought that I knew the guy but that was not the case. After a few days in Tahoe a girl starts to get used to the attention but alas she returns to the Bay Area where she is still cute but no longer gets the attention she deserves. Single and married women alike I suggest high tailing it down to South Lake for an amazing time, beautiful surroundings and a much needed ego boost.

Been a long time....

It's been a really long time since I have posted something so I am going to take a cue from one of my favorite writers, Bret Easton Ellis, and cluster fuck what I have been up to this summer. I had an amazing internship where I think my brain actually grew in size, took my final Academy class and passed my final review with flying colors. Now I am the proud owner of a MFA in advertising, owe tons of money, and am breaking onto the job scene at a horrendous time. Don't let my tone fool you I am grateful and extremely lucky to have learned so much from so many amazing peers and professors.

Deep breath.

Right after finishing school I took a quickie trip to LA for work and mostly play. While there I: ate lots of delicious sushi, met an Asian bartender who was better than Tom Cruise from cocktail but for some reason is pouring drinks at the Sheraton in Universal City, had lots of excellent food and wine, found out that Howl @ the Moon is actually an underground Swingers club, reflected on how broke I was, went on a ghetto Hollywood tour in the back of a pick-up truck but was able to see Aaron Spelling's house and ponder how only 4 people lived in a pad with 113 rooms, saw old friends, hung out with my brother, SOAS, and spent time with my best friend Hope.

Deep breath.

I was home for a few days then took off on a relaxing retreat to South Lake Tahoe. My weeklong getaway was split into two parts. My amazing friend Susanne came up for the first three days and the rest of the week was my solo adventure.

Susanne and I: practiced the art of being beach bums and were successful, enjoyed the sun, lake, cocktails, food, Wheel of Fortune (when we got the spin), people watching at the Bob Dylan show (even though he sounded like a duck), Willie Nelson, picking up a pair of brothers who we thought were gay, sneaking into the casino the morning after for some eggs, the crystal clear cold beautiful lake.

Deep breath.

Although Susanne was a fantastic travel partner she had to get ready for France so she couldn't stay with me. I was about to discover that being on vacation by yourself is a glorious experience. At first I was a little timid but then I started to notice a startling fact. There were men everywhere. I have decided that I am going to write a separate post just about the ratio factor so women everywhere can reap the benefits.

My solo adventure consists of: reading, writing, contemplating, eating, and almost living at Zephyr Cove. Picking up more locals but this time one worthy of my attentions. Smart, talented, sweet, good-looking, well read, the total package. More great food and drink, relaxing, feeling peaceful, most importantly finding a quiet space to think.

Deep breath maybe two.

Since I have been back I have had time to reflect on just how broke I am and I keep thinking about the peace I felt in Tahoe but I am positive that I wouldn't last a winter there. I guess it will just have to be my "happy place." I need a job but more than that I WANT one. Never in my life have I been without school or work. I am afraid my brain will become all mushy. As of now my days are spent reading, writing, and thinking. I want to put my thinking to good use.

Deep breath.......

Beware of the Prius Driver

I have been thinking about this for a long time. My friend Sydel and I wanted to conduct a study to see if our hypothesis is true but we have already broken one of the most important rules of research. Remain objective.

WHY DO PRIUS DRIVERS SUCK?

Is it because they feel entitled? They are doing the right thing by buying the environmentally friendly car so that gives them an excuse to drive badly? Just because you pollute the earth with your car and they don't they have the right to cut you off, stop short, drive slow in the fast lane? In the words of one of my favorite shows FRAK that! I am worried about the environment but is there is no way I will ever say "YES" to one of those ugly cars especially if by purchasing one you immediately morph into bad driver.

Apparently we are not the only souls out there that believe this.

http://www.golod.com/2007/04/prius-drivers-are-nuts/

The Power Of Social Media

I am obviously frighteningly aware of the power of social networking, this is the digital age but I am still in shock about yesterday's events. I found out about Michael Jackson's untimely death while on Twitter through the sage-like words of Ashton Kutcher. Even worse his reliable and credible source of the bad news came directly from TMZ. What were they doing sniffing around his trash and happened to be there when the ambulance pulled up? The big shocker was that they were actually dead on. Let me take a brief moment to absorb this information. RIP Michael Jackson you were the "King of Pop" and I still have fond memories of begging my mother to buy me that hideous red Beat It jacket. Even scarier my older brother bought a matching one. I don't remember if we even wore them or if they just hung in the hallway closet next to each other collecting dust. I was only about 6 but my brother was 10 and should have known better. Hopefully Michael will be remembered for his incredible musical talent and not the creepy "other" life he led at the Neverland Ranch.

Side note: I did a Twitter search for Michael this morning and in 55 seconds he got 1,104 hits. Congrats Mike you dusted all those Twi-hards.

Yet another side note: I became obsessed with this Michael Jackson saga and forgot about another crazy social media occurrence that happened yesterday. Shaq finding out he's been traded on Twitter.

http://www.techcrunch.com/2009/06/24/did-shaq-just-find-out-he-was-traded-on-twitter/

Why are we different?

Last week I was visiting my undergrad college roommate and I hadn't seen her or her fabulous mother in a long time. The first question her Mom asks is "am I seeing anyone"? She hasn't seen me for about a year and so much has happened in my life and hers but that was the first thing she wanted to talk about. Later over many glasses of wine we all had an interesting conversation. When women reach a certain age and they are single no matter what else they have accomplished the question on everyone's mind is when will she settle down? Have a family? Get Married? This is not the same for men of the same age. Folks think they have plenty of time and since their sperm seems to work for a very long time people aren't concerned about that. This pisses me off. I thought in 2009 that a woman can be smart, successful, sexy, and single. I will not settle. Of course I would love a male partner for many reasons but I will never reach that "age of anxiety" where I just close my eyes and pick one that will just do. Ok climbing off my soapbox now.

Now what? Part 2

The next milestone was my pseudo graduation. I walked but I still have 2 classes and a final review. Although it was mostly anti-climatic it was amazing to see the look of pride on my parents faces. Three years of hard work, cocky teachers sometimes bordering on cruel and a zillion dollars in debt but it was worth it to see them smile.

After a 5-course semester I should be stoked to have some down time but I have been going a little stir crazy. I am waiting on a few different leads for a much needed internship. I am broke so I was not able to get away and clear my head like I usual do after a huge semester. I am finally started to put this nervous energy to a productive use. For 2 weeks all I did was watch basketball and Battlestar Galactica. Now I am starting to kick back into gear and feel like myself again. 

Now what?

Many life-changing experiences have happened in the last few weeks but now I am sort of at a stand still. I feel as though I am running in place or something. A few weeks ago I attended my first Bay to Breakers. It was amazing. I hear that this year the race was tame but having nothing to compare it to I had a great time. I went with a bunch of people and we dressed up as the Rock of Love bitches. My friend's boyfriend went as Bret Michaels. The energy of the city on that day was incredible. By the end I was tired, hungry, and a little cranky but it was worth it.

The Last Spring Show

Last week was the advertising department’s annual Spring Show and it was bittersweet for many reasons. First of all it’s my last spring show ever, which is awesome because it means I’m graduating but tragic because I will be forced into the “real” world in this crap economy. Obviously graduation has always been my plan but the amount of self-inflicted pressure I have endured has been ridiculous all in the name of graduating this summer. Originally I had my reasons for the push but now they all seem trivial. Good news is I won a silver award for a brief I worked on extremely hard and that was very close to my heart (it was rejected all together last year). Enough gloom and doom about graduating. Last week when I picked up my cap and gown I was so proud. Strangely I have never actually worn a cap and gown. I went to a small HS and they insisted our graduation would be a “classy” affair. The ten members of my graduating class (yes I said 10) wore white dresses and white suits. We graduated in the Rockefellers church with the famous Chagall windows. I graduated UCSB in the winter and didn’t go back to walk in the summer. Anyway the idea of walking this May (even though I still have 2 summer classes) has made my parents proud.

Dating update:

I had to cancel my date with Brittany’s boy last week. I was too hung over from the Spring Show where I behaved badly. I am supposed to meet him sometime this week. There is actually a new one on the horizon. I will say no more as not to jinx it.

Working through the weekend

I am feeling distracted. All I want to do is play outside but this hellish semester is coming to a close and I am chained unhappily to my computer.

My dating news:

I have decided to give the guy who likes pop music a shot. What harm can come from just one drink? I am a "rocker chick" but who am I to turn my nose up at other people's taste in music and entertainment? He thought that my Battlestar Galactica fetish was dorky. It is but I am not ashamed of my geekiness, so I shouldn't blame him for his cheesy musical tastes.

I never heard from the Angry Parking Nazi again, which is a good thing. When you are on a second date and the guy is yelling at you calling you stupid because you are lacking the parallel parking gene it is a red flag to get out. I am just still mad because I told him the spot he forced me to park in was a little too small and I did end up by getting an $85 ticket. It was a pricy way to figure out that he is not the right guy for me.

Back to the grind, three weeks until a little bit of freedom comes my way.

I have been meaning to start this blog for a very long time. I have been writing journals for years but never really made that leap till now. Not sure why maybe it is the fear of graduating from my masters program and knowing that I have a pile of loans that I will need to pay back before I die a premature death. I think I just need a little venting space.

There are a few things that you should know about me; I am a crazy New Yorker, loyal friend, extremely challenged parallel parker, and I think now I might be considered kind of a music snob. Am I a completely shallow person if I question going out with a guy because he is a fan of teeny-bob music? I have never thought of myself as one before but internet dating does open your eyes to your flaws as well as the giant flaws of the single men who coincidentally leave certain things off their profile information. It is scary what is left over for single women in the bay area.