Supernatural Convention 2024 San Francisco

I’m proud to be a fangirl and all the stereotypes that come along with that. Growing up, I felt like an outsider, who would never fit in. There’s a freedom to being a fangirl as an adult. I remember a few years ago, someone tried to shame me for it and at this point in my mature life, I knew this person was the one with issues. I knew they were the one that was insecure about who they were, so they felt the need to try and make me feel small. I geek out over many things, Star Wars, Dr. Who, Marvel, Harry Potter, Firefly, and countless more. Despite the many fandoms I partake in, the Supernatural fandom is by far my favorite and this is why. 

At the heart of Supernatural is family. The family you have and the family you make along the way. It’s a story of two brothers saving people, hunting things, and carrying on that legacy of the family business. Throughout their journey they fight evil things and there is a lot of celestial storyline but the human themes and challenges they face are real.

I just got back from my second SPN convention and it really sealed the place the show has in my heart. It was on for 15 years and now even though it’s been off for 5 years there are still newbies coming to the conventions and watching the show (thanks, Netflix)! The conventions are a blast and like the show it’s about family, community, and inclusion. In the most uncertain of times, (let’s be real it feels like the apocalypse is coming any day now) it’s comforting to come to a place of inclusion and acceptance. The world right now is so unpredictable and polarizing, I take joy in gathering with a roomful of fans geeking out and getting to ask questions to the actors and characters they love. As fan in her 20’s with severe social anxiety stutters bravely through her question, the crowd is supportive, accepting, and welcoming. Literally cheering her on!

Surprisingly for me, the stars of the convention were the character actors who had several roles throughout the series and played each one to perfection and with glee. I am looking at you, Richard Speight Jr, and Rob Benedict. There are so many more talented actors that really make the show what it is. Cheers to: Mark Sheppard (Crowley), Jim Beaver (Bobby Singer), Ruth Connell(Rowena), DJ Qualls (Garth), Sam Smith (Mary), Kim Rhodes (Jody), Lisa Berry(Billie), Matt Cohen (young John), and Briana Buckmaster(Donna), who all were there! Not that we don’t love Dean (Jensen Ackles), Cas (Misha Collins), and Sam (Jared Padalecki), cause we do but what can make or break a show is all the other actors involved besides the leads.

The expanded Supernatural cast is like a merry band of pranksters literally and figuratively, who all got one or two episodes and then were liked so much they got an arc and another storyline playing another character. The world of Eric Kripke is so fascinating! So many of these characters have been on The Boys now, I think I am losing count. Thus proving, this is a family of fun and talented actors who are willing to take risks and not take themselves too seriously.

Back to the convention, my favorite parts were the Karaoke Party, my photo op with Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins (I think I might have blacked out during this as they both hugged me), and their panel as well. But all of the other panels, the concert, and other opportunities to chat with fans truly made it a memorable weekend. It was an escape from the real world which is a much scarier place than the supernatural world of the show. Plus I learned so much about the industry, and the people that made me love this fandom even more. I walked away with show recommendations and podcasts I have already started listening to!

The other fun part about the weekend was that I took my mom. It really is a multigenerational fan fest. The Saturday night concert fell on her anniversary (my dad passed away 3 years ago) and when they played her favorite song with Lisa Berry singing, Tina’s version of Proud Mary, we got up and went to the back of the room to dance. I felt a sense of joy, sadness, and acceptance.

I’ve shared some pics and videos below. I was not the closest to the action but it did not matter. The vibe was good and it was a safe escape from what’s happening in the real world.

We Believe Forever, Daddy Warbucks

 Days pass, weeks pass, months pass, and then you blink and somehow a year has passed. How come everything still looks the same outside, inside, at work, at home? You get up each morning and embrace your routine. The morning coffee, the quick shower before work, turning on your computer and answering all the emails and ims, people need you. They have questions, concerns, and  problems for you to solve. You are grateful, you feel useful, you bury yourself in work. The pain and grief, they move through you and then become less bright, more like a dull pain. A void or an ache in the back of your mind. 

He’s gone. Been gone a year now. His passing was tough, a blur even but his end, that was the hardest part. You move past the reality of those last 6 months. You know that no one can truly understand that hell, unless they lived it. You fast forward the last few years, where his mind was not his. You feel for anyone who is living this reality now. So many are affected by that cruel disease. Summer used to be a time I cherished and looked forward to but his birthday and death day have changed that.

You live through the darkness and you remember the good things. Things like how his smile could light up any room and the fact that he loved to be in all the pictures, even ones where you kind of wanted just to take in the scenery. I think about the way his voice would crack when he would talk about how proud he was of me. I think about how there are so many things now he will never see or know. How does everything still look the same without him? This morning when I made my bagel and lox I thought about him sitting in his spot at the dining room table each weekend enjoying the same. A spot that remains vacant out of habit, fear, and respect. I close my eyes, think of him, and smile because I know how lucky I am. I am lucky to have known him and thankful that we repaired our relationship as adults and were close. I am blessed that nothing was left unsaid.

I hate that he missed out on watching the Warriors this season. How he would have loved to see Clay back in action, a Poole Party, and Steph finally getting his Finals MVP! He would have relished every round of the NBA Finals this year and been over the moon that we won! This year felt so important when we won because I felt like we won for him. I could almost feel him grinning from ear to ear and toasting our victory!

Last week, we had the unveiling. It’s really a beautiful Jewish tradition. Waiting a year to have a headstone, when those that loved you can get some perspective and come to terms with what life looks like without the one they lost. I felt like we honored him and gave him a more proper send off. I planted that championship flag next to him where it belongs. We Believe forever, Daddy Warbucks! Each day things get easier but the void will be there always. I miss him everyday but will live my life to honor him. Every time I drink a glass of Pinot, eat a delicious meal, or watch the Warriors, he is with me. I keep the good memories close to my heart and breathe through the hard ones.

Party of Three

It’s been a long time since I have written in this blog. Part of that has been time and energy and part of that has been me desperately trying to gather the emotional and physical strength to write about my dad. It’s been just over 4 months since he passed away and I am just now able to sort through all the feelings involved in dealing with his death. His death was not sudden because he’d been battling sickness for years. BUT never in a million years did I think I would have a front row seat to watch his end of life journey. As a result of this intimate view of his demise, I found it almost impossible to separate his end of life from his life. I am not just starting to see past the trauma and remember the guy behind it. I started to write this blog in September but became overwhelmed with emotion and quit. Today, just a few days after my first birthday without him, I conjured the power of Gryffindor and put on his Warriors sweatshirt to start writing again.

I am at the point now where the immediate trauma was triaged and now there’s just a permanent pain in my gut when I think of him. So much has already happened that I would have told him or shared with him. Every time I watch a Warriors game, I think of him and miss him. Can’t believe they are good again and Steph broke the three-point record and he missed it! He would love the new young guys tearing it up. He would have celebrated right alongside me when my second favorite Warrior, Iggy came back. We had Thanksgiving without him. How he loved to go back for seconds and thirds and the house was always full of his West Coast family. This year we dreaded it. We did not know what to do. How could we have become a party of three? Luckily, we invited Christopher, our neighbor over to sit in his seat. It was quiet and lovely.

We celebrated Hanukkah without him and now my birthday has passed. We skipped the birthday dinner picture this year because it felt wrong. I am really starting to come into my own professionally and he will never know. I know he was proud of me in the end but he will never see my future success. That is the part that I can’t wrap my brain around. Jewish Christmas is around the corner and I feel unsure about how that will feel along with Jon’s birthday and the New Year. They say the firsts are the worst and it gets easier to deal with the feelings around the holidays. I hope that is true. I still can’t listen to a single song from the Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band album but Tom Petty and Billy Joel have made it back into the mix. I also can’t listen to The Big Chill soundtrack yet. We played so much music for him in the end and I know that was a good thing but now those tracks act as triggers.

All I can say now is I am trying and I hurt less. I miss him though every day. I have a pic from the good ole days hanging on my wall and the memorial board is hanging in the dining room where his hospital bed once awkwardly sat. During this surreal time I really discovered who my true friends were. They are not always the people you expect. It’s a shitty club to be in the one where you’ve lost a parent but those folks who supported me and lifted me up when I was down will never be forgotten! I never used to pray. Always thought of myself as more spiritual and not religious. That’s changed now. I talk to him sometimes and it gives me solace. Besides my dad I lost a few friends as well in the last 2 years. I talk to them too sometimes. I Imagine a space where they are all hanging out and at peace. Before anyone reading this blog starts to worry about my sanity I will end it here for now. Just know that I will be ok and am still adjusting to what life looks like as a party of three and miss what life felt like as a party of four.

This is the photo that is hanging up in my room!

Venting and sharing some silver linings...

Hello virtual world. It’s been a while since I have had the emotional strength to write anything. We are all just trying to survive in a world that has been turned upside down. If you told me a few months ago that TP, tissues, and paper towels would be worth more than gold, I would have laughed in your face. In the last 2 months, entire industries have been crushed, millions of hard working people have lost their jobs (including me) and everyone is being forced to shelter in place with their “loved” ones, which for some raises even more challenges. I have been living my life kind of like the Serenity Prayer, without the addiction and the god part (although I may be addicted to Netflix now). I am trying to accept the things I cannot change, like not being able to go anywhere, see my friends, or know if I will get my job back. I have been trying to keep my anxiety and depression from taking over, which has been an uphill battle for the last 20 years. I have been trying to help support my mom, who is a caregiver for my Dad who has Alzheimer's. I am trying to change the things I have control over, like exercising when I can and enjoying the little things in life. Small pleasures like a piece of homemade cake, the silly things my fur-babies do every day, and binge watching old episodes of shows that take me to a nostalgic happy place. I have been volunteering at my job, learning new skills, and helping to support a mission that I still believe in. Most importantly, I have been trying to laugh at least once a day which brings me to this blog post. Now that I have kind of depressed you all I hope I can get you back with some laughs. I want to focus on silly things right now because otherwise I may lose my mind.

Below are 5 silver linings that I have found so far while sheltering in place.

#5: Wearing leggings as pants is no longer a fashion faux pas

In fact there are no more fashion crimes at all. You can wear or not wear what you want. The only people who see you are your family, the delivery guy, or if you are still working remotely, you just need to worry about your top half (pants optional)!

#4: Ordering too much take out is now smiled upon instead of frowned upon

Maybe some of you used to get that judgmental look when you ordered a ton of take out to just sit on your coach and binge watch TV on a Saturday Night. Now it’s the new norm. Hopefully you all are supporting local businesses and ordering food to eat while you watch way too much TV.

#3: You don’t have to feel guilty about bitching at or about your family

You have been stuck inside with your family for more than a month now. You love them but come on, humans are not supposed to be together 24/7. Everyone has snapped at some point and it is totally socially acceptable. Luckily, they love you unconditionally, so go ahead and be crabby. It’s more than ok at this point.

#2: Being a couch potato is cool now

Even the beautiful celebs are doing it as they post on social media telling us normal folks never to leave the house. It’s now trending to binge watch whatever you want. Whether it’s Tiger King or something nostalgic like Gilmore Girls, Buffy, or Supernatural (my personal favs).

# 1: It’s ok now for me not to date

I can’t tell you the pressure a single gal my age gets about not obsessing over meeting the guy of her dreams. I am so tired of dating sites and my friends and family pushing me to put myself out there. I may be the last single and fabulous gal out there but I am fine with that. Now if I was to date, I am not even sure what that would look like. Going for a neighborhood walk in a mask, while remaining 6 feet a part. I think I’d rather stay home and watch Netflix with my fur-babies. Stay safe and healthy out there. Remember, to try and laugh at least once a day!

Ode to Luke Perry

Ode to Luke Perry

I know it’s been over a week since Luke’s sudden death and I am sure folks are sick of hearing about him BUT too bad. His untimely passing hit me hard and I am just now sorting out why I am so torn up. Like many women my age, Dylan McKay was my first TV crush, but he was more than that, he was my junior year of high school. He had a smile that could light up a room and a kind heart overshadowed by his bad boy image.

Let me explain better. Like many others, I watched 90210 religiously when I was in high school. I met my first love at the exact same time Brenda Walsh met hers. Sure, my first love looked nothing like Dylan, but he embodied some of the same traits. His name was Brian and I fell hard for him. He was a deadhead, a bad boy with a heart of gold. He drove a BMW. He struggled with his relationship with his father and intimacy. Although not my first sexual experience, I literally went through a lot of the same cheesy trials and tribulations that Brenda did with Dylan. I struggled with understanding how intense my feelings could be for this one person so quickly. I defended him when needed to the outside world. Something inside him was already broken (much like Dylan) and it took him a little longer to really show and share his true feelings with me. I contemplated when to have sex with this person, that I felt I truly loved.

When you are 16, everything feels like life and death. You vent to your close girlfriends about everything you think and feel about your first love. Brenda confided in Kelly Taylor (who I truly never forgave, even though the show did their best to make her the hero, once Shannen Dohery was pushed out). Brenda told it all to Kelly and trusted that her heart and problems were safe with her best friend. I did the same with my best friend at the time Maria. Like Brenda, I transferred into a new school and quickly became really intensely close with Maria. Similar to the show, Brian and I had a brief separation during one tragic summer. He went out to California to visit family and came back a distant, different, person. I was devastated and cried and confided in my best friend, Maria. We stayed up all night talking on the phone, even when I no longer made sense because I was crying so hard. She was trying to help me understand what could have happened. I really did not have a clue. How could he love me one minute and not the next? What did I do wrong?

What happened was Maria and Brian got together. Not only did they hook up but then they proceeded to date for an entire year, while I had to watch. At the same time, Dylan and Kelly hooked up and left Brenda in the dust (and were together for the rest of HS and then some). Needless to say, I identified with Brenda and really felt her pain. This show felt so real to me, despite the cheesy dialogue and the weekly lessons. Now back to Luke Perry…

Despite my heartbreak, I still had love for Luke. I watched 90210 after Brenda left but never felt the same about it. However, as I grew up, I learned to separate fact from fiction (well most of the time anyway). Don’t get me started on GOT! I watched Luke Perry grow up, do other things, like OZ and some independent films. There was always a lightness about him. A real guy who had substance, led a private life, outside of the Hollywood scene. Raised a family and brought happiness wherever he went. When I started watching Riverdale, I was pleasantly surprised to see him come full circle. Now he was the dad. Not the dick kind of judgy dad that Jim Walsh was but an understanding chill dad. Ironically, watching Riverdale proves just how old I am. If I was a Hollywood actor, I would be getting the mom roles right about now. I love the fact that Skeet Ulrich, Luke Perry, and Madchen Amick are the parents (shout out to Scream and Twin Peaks fans everywhere)! Point being, I was so happy to see Luke again and from a different perspective. I am so sad that he is gone from this world too soon. I know that his light is shining over his family and friends. His lightness of being, lives on along with his kindness. I will miss you Luke! Thank you for being my first. RIP buddy!

2019...A New Chapter

It’s New Year’s Day and I am sitting here at my computer reflecting on 2018. This morning I looked through my social media feeds and saw everyone’s top nine and well wishes for the New Year. Feels like this year has been amazing for some and difficult for others. For those that rocked 2018, count your blessings. 

For me, this year has been one of the hardest I’ve had to face in my adult life. It’s been a year of growth and knowledge but also a year of darkness and depression. I have struggled for the last 20 years with depression and anxiety. It’s not a secret but something I should talk about more but don’t. Maybe I still fear the stigma around it or maybe it’s just too painful to broadcast out to the world.

To be fair the cards were stacked against me this year. The fallout from the end of 2017, where I lost almost everything that was important to me, still overwhelmed me. I lost my job, my home, and my independence.

I had to move back in with my folks and felt like crap. Moving back with your folks at any age is not an easy task. Compound that with having my two fur babies with me and a father who’s been diagnosed with early Alzheimer’s. My house is chaotic and I’ve done my best to adjust. We take each day as it comes and try as hard as we can to keep in the present. We live day to day and count to 10 when things seem like they are too much. We cherish the moments of clarity and laugh at things we probably shouldn’t. With so much weight on us, some lighthearted dark humor goes a long way. People close to me fear asking about my family situation and I can understand that. “How are you doing?” may seem like a simple question but to us it as complex as it gets.

A part from the family drama, my depression reared its ugly head big time this year. I felt worthless and polarized by defeat. The abrupt end of my last job left its scars deep. Depression is an exhausting condition. To me it feels like learning to surf. You try as hard as you can to get up on that board and just when you make it and try to stand up, a huge wave knocks you underwater. Some days I had to force myself to get out of bed and look for work.

Through all this darkness a light sparked for me over the summer. I got involved with an organization with a mission that spoke to my soul. I took a job mostly out of necessity that somehow blossomed into a passion. Camp EDMO is a non-profit on a mission to help raise curious, courageous and kind kids. Their camps and after school programs instill STEM skills and foster social, emotional, and intellectual intelligence in all children. In a time where our country feels divided and uncertain, investing in our future (our children) and working with like-minded individuals is the best way to fight back. I have never been so proud to start a full-time position with any organization!

So, screw you 2018, I am starting a new chapter. One filled with hope, life, and love. I am thankful for all the folks that supported me through this hard year (you know who you are). I know this new year will be challenging but I am certain that at least some of those challenges will be good ones. Stay tuned to hear more…

California is burning!

It’s 3 am and there’s a faint knocking on my door. I hear it through a sleepy haze. I pull myself out of bed, nearly trip on my two kittens and make my way to my apartment door. When I get there, I hear Peggy my neighbor saying, “Rachel, please wake up you need to get your kittens and get out of here. This place is burning!” As I open the door my senses are overwhelmed. There’s heavy smoke in the air, I hear sirens and what sounds like an explosion. I see Peggy, have a short conversation with her and shut the door. I am overwhelmed, sleep deprived, and a little frozen by fear. I grab my phone and call my family, waking them up. I pack a bunch of useless things in a bag, grab my 5-month-old kittens, and run to my car. The smoke is heavy and it almost looks like fog. I turn on my car and go. As I make my way to the highway, I am in a daze. There's a steady flow of traffic for 3:30 am in the morning. As I drive away from Santa Rosa and the Tubbs fire, I see a car on the side of the highway on fire. It feels like Armageddon.

I was lucky. Most folks I know were lucky. So many others were not. Businesses and neighborhoods less than a mile from me were burned to the ground. Over a year later, that night and that awful October week still haunts me.

Now it’s happening again. My beautiful love, California, is burning. My heart breaks for all those in the mist of this madness now. We pray for containment and fast. The Camp Fire is said to be the size of Atlanta. It's already the deadliest and most destructive in state history. Forty-eight people are dead and over 6,500 homes have burned to the ground and this beast is not contained. Fire is unpredictable and hops kind of like tornados. The Woolsey Fire in Los Angeles and Ventura counties and the Hill Fire in Ventura County rage on. 

When the fires hit last year, I was at a low point in my life. I had just left my job and was starting to fall back into depression. I am so grateful that I had a place to go and people to look after me, while I waited to hear about my home. I hope that those in need will find the same care I did. California may be burning but her spirit is strong and her people kind.

If you’re looking to help and donate please go here.

A store .5 miles from my Santa Rosa apartment.

We’re impressed by your background…BUT

Breaking into a different industry is hard at any age and stage in your career, even when you have those transferable skills. What’s hard to swallow is rejection but even worse is inauthentic rejection. I spent the last six years of my life in the market research and consumer insights world. I know consumers better than I know myself. I know them in all shapes and sizes and I understand and empathize with them. After all, consumers are just people like you and me and they are human. If advertising and marketing executives understood human nature, they would be able to sell those humans a ton of more shit they don’t need.

After years in this industry all I want to do now is use my knowledge about human nature to do good things. Things like making sure all employees are set up for success in their jobs and find happiness and balance at work. I want to create an environment where humans enjoy coming to work and are productive and efficient. I’m trying to break into the HR world and remind folks that HR actually stands for HUMAN resources. I’m also not looking at the world through rose-colored glasses. I know HR is not all puppy dogs and ice cream. It’s a challenging world where you need to balance your empathy with cold hard facts and lots of data.

I’ve been looking for work for a couple of months now and the rejections that sting the most come from the very department I hope to be part of. If you’re applying for a job, chances are many others are vying for that same job. It’s just common sense. The best companies tell you in an auto response after you apply that very thing. They thank you and tell you lots of qualified applicants are applying and state that if your background fits their needs, you’ll hear from their HR department. That is the right and human way to handle the situation. It’s exactly how I would handle things if some smart company hired me. The wrong way to do things is to send someone an automated email (sometimes weeks later) that says, “Thanks for your interest in whatever role you applied for at whatever company. Although your background is impressive, we have decided to move forward with a few other candidates who are a better fit for the role. We wish you the best in your job search and keep in touch!” Don’t say your impressed by my resume and background. If that were true,  I would have made it to round 2. Don’t wish me luck in my search. This is not Vegas, although lately it feels like the house always wins. Don’t encourage me to apply to other jobs with you, so you can deny me more than once. Don’t use an explanation point after you told me I was not good enough to move onto the next round of interviews.

If I were on the recruitment team at that company I would treat all applicants in the most human way possible. I’m not gonna name names but the most ironic unnecessary rejection I got was from a company who claims to help folks find work. That is their product. 

Please follow me on my journey to find the right “fit” for me. I promise to always be authentic and say what I mean.

Too bad life is not like a Hallmark movie (well sometimes)

It’s funny when you look back on your life and really think about what you expected your life to be in your thirties. A different picture comes to mind –one with children, husband, career, pet, and a picket fence. Somehow when you wake up you discover that the pretty picture you painted for yourself in those formative years may not be the happily ever after you thought or even wanted. I have a little confession to make. Although a lover of good films and what I consider to be good music and food I have a secret guilty pleasure…it’s Hallmark movies. 

There’s always a second chance, sometimes there’s death and cancer too but mostly they’re about finding that love (whether it’s a man or a child or a career) when you thought all hope was lost. As a single woman in her late thirties (gulp) hope, happiness, and contentment come in all different shapes and sizes. I’m not an unhappy person. I have family, friends, and a cat that I truly love. I go out on the town and consume great food and music. I have a job that I love most of the time. My life is far from empty but the idea that another kind of happily ever after is out there waiting for me –no matter how trivial, fills me with a sense of wonder and relief. So I find myself looking towards these films with B actors (or former A ones) as my second chance - A second chance at love, life, and my own storybook ending. 

I know most folks would laugh at the formulaic, overly sentimental story-lines and wonder what kind of person eats this stuff up. I guess that kind of person is me. A former cynic who’s eagerly awaiting what that hope feels like again –for a fresh start. I recently moved back to a town I used to live. I’m trying to carve out a new path in a familiar place. I’m desperately trying to build community in an old place but I want to make that place new. How do you build a brand new life where so many old memories haunt you? With hope I guess. Hope for a future unknown but not over-not forgotten. Dare I say that this is the beginning of a new chapter and if I can just get out of my own way maybe things will change for the better? Holy crap! That sounds like hope.

Stay Golden, Warriors!

The Golden State Warriors have always had heart and now they ALSO have some real talent. Last night, I was lucky enough to catch a home game. I’ve been living in Boston for the past few years and it has been way too long since I’ve been home to see them in action. My dad is a huge fan and has told me repeatedly how much they have grown and improved this season. I have not witnessed this evolution first hand because I am never able to stay up that late (EST) and watch a full game.

Warriors vs. Toronto – Last night’s game (December 3, 2013)

The first half of the game was almost an embarrassment and made me remember what it’s like to root for a team that isn’t used to winning. The Raptors scored 65 points in the first half and it seemed as though anything they "threw up" landed in the basket. The Warriors crowd was in shock – mostly quiet but also angry. The refs seemed to be in Toronto’s pocket and the drunken masses took most of their frustration out on the bad judgment of the refs. Toronto led 75-48 with 9:20 left in the third quarter and took an 18-point lead into the fourth. It seemed like all hope was lost. My dad was regretting buying the “good seats” and my mom considered leaving early to beat the Oakland traffic.

Although I had seen no real proof that the Warriors were a changed team - I did not give up hope. This team even a few years back (with a losing record) always had heart and played like champions at home. Luckily, I was right and the Warriors showed Toronto how they are still one of the BIGGEST comeback teams in the NBA. Stephen Curry with help from Klay Thompson (with six three-pointers), Harrison Barnes, and David Lee brought their team back from the trenches. Curry had three three-pointers and ten assists that contributed to his personal comeback ending the game with 27 points – while he had only four points in the entire first half. The crowd exploded and was on their feet when the Warriors made their run with about 8 minutes to go in the fourth quarter. The fans jumped up and down and celebrated with each other. The final score was 112 to 103.

Thank you, Warriors for showing me your blood, sweat, and tears and making me one happy homesick fan. Stay Golden!

Exodus

365 days ago, I left my safe and warm house full of support and love for the unknown. As I watched my folks in my rearview and choked back a few tears, I was feeling a range of emotions. I felt sadness, fear, anxiety, anticipation, hope, and maybe a touch of insanity. My brother fiddled with the CD player. Thank the gods he was with me. I don’t think I could have made it without him.

I had made the decision months before and saved up the necessary cash. It was still so surreal. I was moving across the country, in one of the worst economies in decades, without a job. I wanted change. Adventure something out of my comfort zone. Two hours on the road and I started to understand the difference between wanting something and actually making it happen. I felt shaky and uncertain and possibly a little sick. I kept driving.

I started to think about our trip as a vacation – a classic American adventure that I would just come back from in a few weeks with tons of pictures and a handful of stories.

We trekked through Las Vegas, Arizona, New Mexico, Oklahoma (dislike button), Tennessee, Virginia, DC, New Jersey, and finally New York.

New York was oddly familiar but foreign for both of us. We grew up there many years before. We went back to some of our old spots, saw old friends, and wandered streets that used to mean something significant but that significance had long faded. It was like walking in a dream that you only half remember.

Then it came time for me to say goodbye to my brother. That’s when it hit me. I’m not going home. California is past - a beautiful sunny dream. I was headed to Boston; a place I had spent some of my happiest childhood memories, the place where my beloved grandparents lived and passed on – where my mom grew up. I was headed to my Aunt’s house to crash because a girl without a job and limited money left had no other choice.

As I pulled into my Aunt’s horseshoe driveway, I felt the love of my grandparents shine down on me. I felt more hope than fear. I knew I would be ok.

Fast forward to today. I have found an incredible life here. I have roommates that have become my sisters, I have good friends, and I job that I love. I’ve had hard times, love, loss, struggle, heartache, frustration, and feelings of great joy. I wouldn’t change a thing!

Happy 1-year anniversary of my Exodus!

My Fantasy Husbands

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day who is smack in the middle of an “Age of Anxiety “ meltdown. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this condition, I will explain further. Once women get to a certain age (usually late 20’s early 30’s) they start to think about finding the perfect man to marry and pop out a couple of kids with. Luckily, this condition has never infected me.

Anyway she was complaining about the lack of available decent men out there and asked me what my perfect man would look like. I laughed at first knowing fully that no one is perfect. I then decided that I could pick and choose traits from my plethora of fantasy husbands to appease her.

James Franco – He is highly intelligent and talent plus he looks like a Greek God.

Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgard) – Since this is purely fantasy it doesn’t matter that Eric is a character and not a real person. He’s tall and a Viking. He is also sexy, quick, strong and a vampire (so he will look that good forever). If the book and series are any indication, he is an amazing lover. It doesn’t matter to me if he’s got amnesia or if all of his memories are in tact.

Nathan Fillion – He is my Geek husband. There will always be a place in my heart for Captain Mal Reynolds. He is also hysterical, witty, and such a kind hearted prankster.

Brandon Flowers – He is my rock husband. He has a beautiful voice, talented lyrical ability, an interesting fashion sense, and he’s not hard on the eyes. I could however do without his religious beliefs.

There you have it, my perfect man would be a highly intelligent, talented, tall vampire with a beautiful singing voice, features of a Greek or Norse God and a bit of a geeky side. Wouldn’t that be hysterical criteria for my Match.com profile if I had one?

Twilight Versus True Blood

Vampires as mythological creatures have fascinated people for centuries. As the years pass, the depictions and opinions change with the times but the passion never dies. Vampire stories tend to sync up with the culture of the times in which they are written.

A new stage in Vampire Culture has risen from the dark ashes of Dracula's world. Stephenie Meyer and Charlaine Harris have both managed to infect the masses with a new-found vampire fever. Although their message is completely opposite, the characters of these two female authors do share similar traits.

The Twilight Saga and the True Blood series have taken pop culture by storm. There are many attractive traits about the supernatural that help feed our curiosity and fascination. While investigating why Twilight and True Blood are appropriate for today's culture, I created a brief cheat sheet to help highlight the differences and similarities between these two supernatural universes.
Please click on picture for a closer view. Keep clicking to enlarge photo.

Ode to Jacob Black and Sam Merlotte

I really feel for these two hotties. They are always the confidant and never get what they truly want. It sucks to be considered a good “friend” and not a lover. It doesn’t help that both of their desired women have a huge vampire fetish.

Dear Jacob,

You are hot in all ways. Your body temperature is toasty and you have magnificent abs. You also make an adorable pet wolf. You are part human and alive. You age slowly. You are fully capable of finding a woman who appreciates you (not a little girl). Give up your Bella obsession. She likes the cold, hard, pale type that enjoys overacting and reading people’s thoughts.

Dear Sam Merlotte,

You had your chance but you blew it. You are sexy, funny, sweet and magical. You also make a cute pet who doesn't even need walking. Sookie has a thing for Vamps and one sexy Werewolf. You will never be able to make that transition from trusted friend to lover. Instead of sleeping with her best friend, Tara find yourself a trustworthy shifter or Were.

The NBA's Terrible Tattoos

Since I am utterly disappointed in the contenders for this year’s NBA Finals, I decided to write one last fun blog discussing the league. I have noticed recently that NBA players keep getting more and more hideous and ridiculous tattoos. I thought it would be fun to put them on visual display and comment on just how ludicrous they are.

Chest and Back:

Praying with a Gun - Stephen Jackson

His tattoo of two hands praying with a gun doesn’t surprise me. Although it’s not a shocker is still makes my worst idea to get permanently inked onto your body list.

Crazy Chest Tree – Monta Ellis

Monta Ellis, WTF was going through your mind when you made this unintelligent decision? I understand that you are a family man and love your kid. That is fantastic but scarring your body in this way is just foolish. You are also kind of repetitive. You have a giant tree on your body with a picture of your son and the words “Family First” eternally inked on your chest. Why do you also need Ellis family on your arm? Are you afraid people won’t realize which family you are referring to?

Angel Wings – Paul Pierce

Really? The angel wings and heart shaped tattoo makes Deron William’s panther look downright manly. This is a chick tattoo. Can you imagine the tattoo artist’s face when he picked this feminine design out? Thank god he wears a shirt on the court otherwise all the other players would just laugh him out of the arena.

Super Cool Beas - Michael Beasley

I am sure Beas is his nickname but someone should tell him, if you have to tattoo that you are super cool on your back, it means you aren’t super cool. Plus he needs to hop in a time machine and return those angel wings to the late 80’s early 90’s where they belong.

Chosen 1 - LeBron James

The ego on King James is unprecedented and the fact that he has chosen 1 tattooed across his back is no surprise. He is arrogant, obnoxious, and immature. His back tat reflects exactly who he is.

Neck Tats:

Free Bird – Chris Anderson A.K.A Birdman

Horrible strangulation of color and distaste. Even Lynyrd Skynyrd would cringe if they saw this one!

Virginia Slim - Allen Iverson

Allen used to be one of my favorite players but I will be the first to admit he has a number of stupid tattoos. The most absurd is his prison neck tattoo that has the words “Virginia Slim” surrounded by cobwebs. It just makes him look like a thug out for some yard time.

Swish – J.R. Smith

We all get it J.R.; you like to make the ball go swish. No need to tattoo that piece of info on your neck. Don’t even get me started on the Young Money tat underneath it. This just makes you look like a fool.

Believe – Matt Barnes

I love Matt Barnes. He is kind of a punk so a neck tattoo suits his persona. His choice is just ridiculous, even if he got it when my beloved Warriors were actually good.

Shoulder Tats:

The Panther – Deron Williams

Not hideous or over the top this black panther tattoo just seems cheesy. It would be cute on a girl as a tramp stamp or on an 80’s glam rocker. On Deron it just looks wrong.

Vanessa - Kobe Bryant

I love Kobe. He is one of my favorite players but yes he f**cked up. Besides buying his wife the trillion-dollar ring he got this tattoo. A queen’s crown with a butterfly her name and some horrid representation of her hair. He could have bought her more jewelry or a car instead. No need to defile his body with such repulsive art.

NBA Finals: My Thoughts on Game 1 and 2

As I have already stated this year’s finals is quite different from the last few years. I’m not sure where my loyalty lies because I have negative feelings for both teams. This year, there is no clear hero or villain. The one thing that remains is that I love the game of basketball. So of course I have to watch. Here are my thoughts on the first two games.

Game 1 - Heat 92 Mavericks 84

Overall, I was unimpressed by the offense in this game. Despite the fact that the Heat won by 8 points the first two quarters looked ugly on both sides. I think both teams were shooting under 40%. Both teams had a long rest between series. In the fourth quarter, the Heat stepped up their defense and began making shots. The Heat scored 27 pts and shot about 48%. In the final 10 minutes of the quarter, the Mavericks only scored 10 pts and shot about 40% (their lowest of the playoffs). At the end of this game all of the commentators and Miami fans were guilty of hubris. This was just game one. Dallas fans worried about Dirk’s hurt finger.

Game 2 - Mavericks 95 Heat 93

Game 2 was a completely different story. It was a competitive game for the first quarter and actually exciting to watch. Both teams had stepped up in the offense and defensive departments. At half time the score was tied 51-51. The Heat owned the 3rd quarter. They were shooting 53% with LeBron making 8/11 and Wade making 11/15 shots. Dallas was turning over the ball left and right. Even with the Heat scoring numerous times in the 3^rd, Dallas was only down by 4, when headed to the 4^th quarter.

The second half of the 4^th was when the momentum of the game shifted drastically. The Mavericks went on a 17-2 run. Everything worked for Dallas and the Heat seemed like they were asleep at the wheel. Every shot Miami put up was off the mark. They couldn’t make an offensive play to save their lives. The two points they scored were actually foul shots. Dallas ended up winning the game in a thrilling come back victory. I found myself actually rooting for them and forgetting my dislike for the team because of this riveting win. Just as I kind of pledged my allegiance to Dallas, the camera shot to Mark Cuban jumping up and down. I then quickly remembered why I don’t like the Mavericks.

Side note: The Heat and Mavericks series just got interesting. Miami heads back to Dallas for three straight games, so I can’t wait to see what happens in game 3.

Unrelated note: Steve Nash was at the game to support Dallas and he looks really hot now. I guess divorce agrees with him.