It’s New Year’s Day and I am sitting here at my computer
reflecting on 2018. This morning I looked through my social media feeds and saw
everyone’s top nine and well wishes for the New Year. Feels like this year has
been amazing for some and difficult for others. For those that rocked 2018, count
your blessings.
For me, this year has been one of the hardest I’ve had to face
in my adult life. It’s been a year of growth and knowledge but also a year of
darkness and depression. I have struggled for the last 20 years with depression
and anxiety. It’s not a secret but something I should talk about more but
don’t. Maybe I still fear the stigma around it or maybe it’s just too painful
to broadcast out to the world.
To be fair the cards were stacked against me this year. The
fallout from the end of 2017, where I lost almost everything that was important
to me, still overwhelmed me. I lost my job, my home, and my independence.
I had to move back in with my folks and felt like crap.
Moving back with your folks at any age is not an easy task. Compound that with
having my two fur babies with me and a father who’s been diagnosed with early
Alzheimer’s. My house is chaotic and I’ve done my best to adjust. We take each
day as it comes and try as hard as we can to keep in the
present. We live day to day and count to 10 when things seem like they are too
much. We cherish the moments of clarity and laugh at things we probably
shouldn’t. With so much weight on us, some lighthearted dark humor goes a long
way. People close to me fear asking about my family situation and I can
understand that. “How are you doing?” may seem like a simple question but to us
it as complex as it gets.
A part from the family drama, my depression reared its ugly
head big time this year. I felt worthless and polarized by defeat. The abrupt
end of my last job left its scars deep. Depression is an exhausting condition.
To me it feels like learning to surf. You try as hard as you can to get up on
that board and just when you make it and try to stand up, a huge wave knocks you
underwater. Some days I had to force myself to get out of bed and look for
work.
Through all this darkness a light sparked for me over the
summer. I got involved with an organization with a mission that spoke to my
soul. I took a job mostly out of necessity that somehow blossomed into a
passion. Camp EDMO is a non-profit on a mission to help raise curious, courageous
and kind kids. Their camps and after school programs instill STEM skills and foster
social, emotional, and intellectual intelligence in all children. In a time
where our country feels divided and uncertain, investing in our future (our children) and
working with like-minded individuals is the best way to fight back. I have
never been so proud to start a full-time position with any organization!
So, screw you 2018, I am starting a new chapter. One filled
with hope, life, and love. I am thankful for all the folks that supported me
through this hard year (you know who you are). I know this new year will be challenging
but I am certain that at least some of those challenges will be good ones. Stay
tuned to hear more…
